It is difficult to articulate in my blog all my jumbled thoughts and things that are want to come out all at once onto a page. I wouldn't quite call it an epiphany but I was having a rare moment of introspection while doing a batch of ATCs for my Yahoo group swap.
It has been a difficult few years for me especially this past year since I had just finished up my graduate degree this summer. I had not had much time at all for art except for a few things for companies and to teach at Create Art Retreat this summer. I hadn't written a piece for an article in quite some time because I had not had time to submit anything worth printing. Challenges were not something I could even consider. A lot of things went of the back burner and I had to prioritize my life for the sake of my sanity and lack of sleep.
Now that I am out of school and am only teaching at my full-time job as a 5th grade teacher, it is easier for me to look ahead, do artwork for myself, and with my kids. I don't feel the pressure of having to create magazine worthy art. As I was making ATCs today, I was taking pictures of each step so I could blog about it later. I could picture in my mind what I wanted the end product to look like and I was enjoying the process. It was fun to try this and change that. I did not care that whether it was for publication or not. This was just something that I was making for a swap and it was fun. It was looking good.
For a long time now, quite a a bit of my artwork has been create for publication or a workshop. Even though it may not have started out that way, in the back of my mind, the possibility was always there, so I didn't put the technique on my blog until I was sure it wouldn't be accepted for a publication or wouldn't be part of one of my workshops. At the same time, it is a sad reality that some artists' work have shown up on other blogs or workshops. I had it happen to me when someone tried to take credit for something that I had created.
So, I was thinking that it's all good. It doesn't matter WHAT I am creating as long as I am creating something. It is not the end product that's important. It is the process. Yes, there are many worthy artists out there who make their living teaching workshops full-time who have to come up with the new, next best thing. They have to keep coming up with new, innovative things and/or update themselves so other artists want to take their workshops. I have to do that as well so people will want to take my workshops. I will worry about that tomorrow. I am in a position right now where I don't have to do that at this particular moment. I can just create for the sake of creating and just for myself. I don't have to answer to anyone. If you don't like it or don't get the message, I'm not so worried about it. I'm not going to worry about people who complain about my swaps. I am just going to visualize my creative process.
I was here once but I veered to the left. I came back. Things are cyclical or maybe circular. It doesn't matter to me if I am painting, torching, knitting, assembling, or writing. It is all the same to me. It keeps me sane. Don't judge me or look at me sideways. I don't care what you are thinking anyway. If you don't want my ATC, I am sure someone else will. This art is for me. The art for everyone else will be done tomorrow and the next day. That will get done because that is how I am. Leave me a voicemail and I will return your message as soon as I available.
Just do what makes you happy. Doesn't matter what it is.